Hard-on Halloween Pumpkin Punch

Ingredients:
1 can sweetened condensed milk
2l orange soda
1 can sweet cider
1 packet Orange Sherbet
1 pumpkin

Steps:

• To make the pumpkin into a punch bowl, cut off the pumpkin’s top and set aside (for the lid).
• Insert one finger into the opening and rotate slowly clockwise, counting to 10. Stop. Crook the finger and continue the clockwise motion, counting to 15. Insert another finger and repeat until the flesh is soft and ready.
• Scoop out the seeds, leaving an inch-thick layer all around the inside.
• Make two holes in the lid of the condensed milk. Carefully lick its thick milky sweetness off the tin knife. Glide your finger around the tin and suck it dry.
• In short spurts, pour the condensed milk into the hollowed-out pumpkin.
• Add cider and orange soda. Stir with your fingers. Let your partner lick off the wetness.
• Open the packet of sherbet. Pour onto wet flesh and watch it fizz.
• Add one ice cube.
• Lock the door (or not!) and have the best Halloween ever!

(compliments of Eve Summers, author of "A Slave of My Own Desire", Red Rose Publishing)